One of our regular readers, John Frewen-Lord, offers this contribution to the festive fare:
“As we live in a predominantly metric world, world leaders have decided that the traditional Christmas song, The Twelve Days of Christmas, is inappropriate in today’s modern base-10 metric world. Consequently, that song is now discontinued, and the singing or other broadcasting of it in public is discouraged. In its place is this new metric version, The Ten Days of Christmas. The format and tune are identical to its predecessor.
The Ten Days of Christmas
[First Verse] On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
A pascal in a pear tree.
[Last Verse] On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Ten watts a-whirring, nine newtons knocking, eight metres marking, seven litres leaking, six seconds snoozing, five gigatonnes, four kilograms, three hectares, two teravolts, and a pascal in a pear tree.
In the interests of even greater efficiency, and the need to conserve the world’s natural resources, it is permissible, even desirable, to use the following short-form symbolised version in printed matter:
On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
10 W a-whirring, 9 N knocking, 8 m marking, 7 L leaking, 6 s snoozing, 5 Gt, 4 kg, 3 ha, 2 TV, and a Pa in a pear tree.
A very metric Christmas to all”
The editors of Metric Views would like to add that they believe any resemblance this article bears to some which have appeared in The Sun, The Express, The Telegraph and The Daily Mail over the past twelve years is intentional. Furthermore, we suspect that the UK would, after much debate and years of delay, decide not to proceed with the new version due to an (inflated) estimate of cost to the taxpayer of reprinting song sheets.
We join with John in offering Seasonal Greetings to our readers.